Finding Meaning

I have a confession: I read a particular blog religiously. This blog can also become a religious obsession for you if you so choose. Click on the following link and be prepared for your life to change: http://www.marcandangel.com/. Ok, seriously, this blog has changed my life and it continues to change my life every Monday.

A few weeks ago, the writers of this blog provided me with a long list of questions that I think everyone should answer. The blog post is entitled "95 Questions to Help You Find Meaning and Happiness." It can be found here: http://www.marcandangel.com/2011/12/04/95-questions-to-help-you-find-meaning-and-happiness/.

I spent a good two weeks answering these questions. Here's some that I want to share with you that I essentially do not mind the world having access to. The rest are answered and in my personal journal for me to look back and reflect on.

1. In one sentence, who are you? I am Emily; I have a deep passion for life and care a lot about the people in my life.
2. Why do you matter? I matter because there are a lot of people in my life who care about me and need me in my life as much as I need them in my life.
3. What is your life motto? “Love is the only reality”
4. What’s something you have that everyone wants? Happiness

8. What stands between you and happiness? Right now, nothing or nobody.

10. What does the child inside you long for? The uncomplicatedness of relationships when I was a child; I wish they were still the same way.
11. What is one thing right now that you are totally sure of? That I am about to embark on an incredible trip of self-discovery to New Zealand.
12. What’s been bothering you lately? Betrayals, empty promises, and broken dreams

15. What will you never give up on? My family, friends, and horses
16. What do you want to remember forever? Summer 2011

24. What is something you’ve always wanted, but don’t yet have? My own dog, a Greater Swiss Mountain Dog to be exact. Seriously, I think I have wanted one of these dogs since I was 12.

29. What will you never do? Be unfaithful

31. What’s something new you recently learned about yourself? What’s essential to my happiness and what I want out of this life.

39. In one word, how would you describe your personality? Unique
40. What never fails to frustrate you? People

44. What’s something a lot of people do that you disagree with? Making up rumors about other people.

47. What are the top three qualities you look for in a friend? Trustworthiness, Honesty, and Compassion

60. What’s something you disliked when you were younger that you truly enjoy today? Close call between cleaning and cheeseburgers!

66. What’s something you should always be careful with? Trust
67. What should always be taken seriously? Driving and/or any type of commuting
68. What should never be taken seriously? Life…as the quote says… “no one gets out alive anyway”

90. What’s something simple that makes you smile? A sunset

Defining Family

In my Interpersonal Communication class, we spent most of class yesterday defining family. The discussion was thought provoking, and it made me think about how I would define family and who I consider to be my family. We broke up into groups and each group had to come up with a definition for family. Each one was very different, yet they all ended up being similar in unique ways.

I wanted to share them because it was a powerful lecture. If you haven't realized it yet, family is the only thing we are guaranteed in this life. I do not are how old you are, you should cherish your family and make time for them.

Here are the different definitions my classmates came up with:

"The involvement between two or more people who share an unconditional love type relationship and are willing to sacrifice..."

"...at least two people who share an intimate bond where mutual sacrifices shape who we are within the family"

"Unconditionally your own and is unrestricted through blood line..."

"A structural unit comprised of two or more people who feel a sense of permanent belonging towards one another"

"A collection of at least two people who share blood and they form a family who share similar definitions of what a family is"

"A reciprocal support system; two or more people who express compassion and unconditional love to each other"

Does anyone have any guesses as to which one is mine?

What I'll Miss About Home

I recently found out this past week that I am going to be studying abroad starting in February. In the last year, I have realized how beautiful my home area is and how much I love living here. Currently, I'm beyond excited to be living in a different country for nearly five months; however, I am quickly realizing all the little things that I am surrounded by that I will miss. Here's a list to capture these small moments, routines, and things I have admittedly taken for granted.

1. The luxury of taking care of my horses on a daily basis and seeing them in my backyard whenever I want.

2. Morning chats with my mom over breakfast.


3. Daily motivational texts from my friend, McKenzie.

4. My commute to and from school: the view of the bluffs and the view as I turn onto my road.

5. My dog: her morning wake-up calls, our wrestling matches, and being able to spoil her with attention, love, and treats everyday.


6. My job. I'm going to miss working a lot while I'm gone. I'll also miss my co-workers and the regular customers who have began to feel like family to me.

7. My own personal living space. I know I'm spoiled and I will miss my bed and my bathroom...and as a whole, I'll miss my home

8. Seeing my friends and family whenever I want.

9. The nightlife downtown.

10. Hearing my little brothers hunting stories, ideas, and his day.

11. The way my dad helps me keep life in perspective and to not sweat the small stuff.

I love my life, but I am ready for this adventure, experience, and opportunity of a lifetime.

Attribution Theory: Our Perceptions of Ourselves and Others

I absolutely love my interpersonal communications course I am taking this semester. Last week, we talked about perceptions. It was a very interesting topic that literally had me on the edge of my seat. More specifically, we indepthly discussed: Attribution Theory.

Attributions are our own subjective explanations for our own or others' behaviors. We make attributions, or assumptions, about the behaviors of people, or the reason behind a person's behavior. Ultimately, the attributions we make about others influence how we react to others.

There are two types of attributions:

1. External-attribute the cause of the behavior to the situation
2. Internal-attribute the cause of the behavior to the person

There are a number of common attribution errors we make about others.

Here are a few of the common errors:

1. Ultimate Attribution Error-we tend to make internal attributions of others' negative behavior and external attributions of others' positive behavior

We assume that a person is a bad driver because he or she pulled out in front of you. However, maybe that person pulled out in front of you because his wife is in labor or a family member was just rushed to the hospital. Or maybe our friend received a job promotion. Rather than considering his or her extra effort, we assume that it is because no one else applied for the position.

2. Self-Serving Bias-we tend to make external attributions of our negative behavior and internal of our positive behavior

We didn't do well on our exam because we had other things going on, when in reality we maybe did not spend enough time adequately preparing. However, when we do well on an exam it is because we attended class regularly and studied a lot.

3. Similarity Bias-we provide more favorable attributions toward in-groups than out-groups

It is typical to give a person the benefit of the doubt when we feel they are similar to us, or they are in our "in-group." If someone is late for lunch in our in-group, we forgive them immediately or assume they were stuck in traffic. However, if someone from our out-group is late for lunch, we assume they are lazy or disorganized.

4. Positivity Bias-we tend to make more positive than negative judgements about others when we have the chance to interact with them

Once we become friends with a person, we make positive excuses for them. This is similar to Error #3. If a friend does not call us when they say they are going to call, we assume they got caught up with others things and they forgot rather than that they did not want to chat with us.

For the rest of our lives, we will make attributions about others. If we actively keep this theory in mind, it can improve our relationships with others and help us let the small stuff roll of our backs.

How do we do this? With perception checking. Next time you assume a friend is mad at you for example, approach the situation differently by doing these three things:

1. Behavioral description-explain what it is that person is doing
2. 2 possible attributions-2 ways to interpret the behavior
3. Request for clarification

"I've noticed you've been really quiet lately. I am thinking that you are either stressed out or you are mad at me. Can you help me understand your quietness better?"

This approach will prevent a person from becoming defensive to your assumptions and will allow for a smoother and calm transition into the real issue.

One Reason to be Happy

Earlier today I was outside doing some yard work. I saw one of my neighbor's kids whom I used to babysit for. I said hello and asked him how he was doing and how school was. He told me "good" to both questions which is of course the typical response for a 7-year old boy. Then he said, "The only reason I am happy today is because I get to drive my dirt bike later." I automatically assumed it was because of the gorgeous weather that he was able to drive it on this particular day. Although I quickly learned it was because a part for it that was missing had arrived in the mail.

I immediately wanted to tell him that he had more than one reason to be happy today, but in the life of a child, happiness comes from fun. It does not come from little moments, nice weather, or fall colors like it does once we become older and understand the concept of appreciating the small things in life. I decided to smile at the fact that he had one reason to be happy. The above conversation was short, but it made me think about how we all have one reason to be happy each day. Even if there is only one reason, that's what is important.

So I would like to know, what is your only reason to be happy today? Now go focus on that and be happy.