This is great advice for all of us
When I was a kid, my mom liked to make breakfast food for dinner every now and then. And I remember one night in particular when she had made breakfast after a long, hard day at work.
On that evening so long ago, my mom placed a plate of eggs, sausage and extremely burned biscuits in front of my dad. I remember waiting to see if anyone noticed! Yet all my dad did was reach for his biscuit, smile at my mom and ask me how my day was at school.
I don't remember what I told him that night, but I do remember watching him smear butter and jelly on that biscuit and eat every bite!
When I got up from the table that evening, I remember hearing my mom apologize to my dad for burning the biscuits. And I'll never forget what he said: "Honey, I love burned biscuits."
Later that night, I went to kiss Daddy good night and I asked him if he really liked his biscuits burned. He wrapped me in his arms and said, "Your Momma put in a hard day at work today and she's real tired. And besides, a little burnt biscuit never hurt anyone!"
Life is full of imperfect things and imperfect people. I'm not the best at hardly anything, and I forget birthdays and anniversaries just like everyone else. But what I've learned over the years is that learning to accept each others faults and choosing to celebrate each others differences is one of the most important keys to creating a healthy, growing, and lasting relationship.
So we should learn to take the good, the bad, and the ugly parts of your life and lay them at the feet of God. Because in the end, He's the only One who will be able to give you a relationship where a burnt biscuit isn't a deal-breaker!
We could extend this to any relationship. In fact, understanding is the base of any relationship, be it a husband-wife or parent-child or friendship!
"Don't put the key to your happiness in someone else's pocket. Keep it in your own."
God Bless You, now, and always.
Sunday, May 22, 2011
Monday, May 9, 2011
Who Leaders Are...What Leaders Do
Who Leaders Are … What Leaders Do
By Shawn McGuirk
Leadership: n. a person or thing that leads. – Random House Dictionary
But what do we mean when we use this term? When we say that someone is a leader, or has leadership qualities? How do we know? What attributes do we identify when making a statement such as this? How does anyone know what a true leader is and what a true leader does? In essence; what makes someone a leader?
I may think that someone is a leader because they’re honest, hard working, forthright, and have demonstrated an ability to make important decisions. You may believe that these attributes are applicable, but that it is preferable for someone to be superbly intelligent, or that a person can motivate others and “make things happen.”
So what is the “correct” definition of leadership? The truth is that the qualities of leadership will manifest themselves in others several different ways and at various times. We can take a look at history and quickly discover that the qualities of leadership in one person will be quite different than in another.
To some, John F. Kennedy was a passionate, strong, effective and bold leader who was able to make the most difficult decisions and inspire others. Someone else may prefer to emulate a leader the likes of Mother Theresa, who gave of herself selflessly so that others may survive and flourish. Yet another may decide to look within their household; a parent, a sibling, or a child.
And so amidst the definitions of leadership, and those that personify these definitions, I submit that all of them have something in common. And so this will serve as my personal definition on the topic:
Leadership: n. a person or thing that demonstrates the courage to do
something differently.
I would challenge anyone to argue this point. Whether those we think of as leaders lead a million people or one does not matter. What does matter is that they have discovered a way to inspire those they lead. I don’t think the importance of being able to inspire another can be overstated. As Dale Carnegie states in his book How to Win Friends and Influence People:
“There is only one way under heaven to get anybody to do anything…and that is by making the other person want to do it.” (p. 18)
I believe that there are 4 things we must be able to do if we are going to be effective leaders. They are:
Be courageous enough to shift paradigms and see things differently I refer back to my personal definition of leadership. That a person must be able to change focus, recognize that there is another way, and then move in that direction. Colin Powell once said that effective leadership means that others are willing to follow you if only out of curiosity. What better way to instill curiosity than to promote the flow of creative thinking and action?
Help those we lead find meaning in what we are asking them to do
Let’s face it, we have all been told to do things we may not have wanted to do. It’s a fact of life. So how do we help people find meaning in what must be done? We invest in them. We show concern, we communicate, and we talk with them and not at them. I’ll share one sure-fire way to find out what’s important to people (it’s complex, so you might want to write this down) - we ask them.
Create involvement of the process for those we are leading
Related to step #2 - Once we know what it is people want (what has meaning) we can begin to get them involved in the process. How? We provide opportunity for professional growth, which in turn demonstrates to them that we trust that they will do what needs to be done. I remember someone saying during a lecture once that it’s impossible to motivate people because they are already motivated, and it’s our job to find out what that motivation is and help them redirect it into completing the task at hand.
Reward and recognize achievement
This should be self-explanatory and obvious. Too often I have heard people say that if you reward and recognize too much then it loses its meaning. WRONG! How many of us come home from a long day at work thinking, “my boss praised me way too much today.” I’ll tell you - no one thinks that. And no one else will think that if steps 1-3 are done in advance. Instead it will continue to reaffirm in others that you think they are doing a good job, and that you think enough of them to include them in the process of decision-making. Understand that by this I do not suggest that they will be making the decisions, but those you are trying to lead will inevitably “buy-in” to your decisions if they know that their opinions on the matter have been heard.
So what is it that makes someone a leader? Ultimately I believe that an effective leader will constantly be in the process of creating leaders. How? By having the courage to shift focus and try things differently, creating meaning and involvement, and rewarding and recognizing improvement and a job well done.
As Wuzu said to Fojian, “When you give people tasks, probe them deeply to see if they are sincere… Leaders are naturally honored when their words are taken seriously; the community is naturally impressed when people are chosen for their sincerity.” (Zen Lessons, The Art of Leadership p. 18)
Note: This article is adapted from a similar article written by the author that appeared in the September 99 Talking Stick.
By Shawn McGuirk
Leadership: n. a person or thing that leads. – Random House Dictionary
But what do we mean when we use this term? When we say that someone is a leader, or has leadership qualities? How do we know? What attributes do we identify when making a statement such as this? How does anyone know what a true leader is and what a true leader does? In essence; what makes someone a leader?
I may think that someone is a leader because they’re honest, hard working, forthright, and have demonstrated an ability to make important decisions. You may believe that these attributes are applicable, but that it is preferable for someone to be superbly intelligent, or that a person can motivate others and “make things happen.”
So what is the “correct” definition of leadership? The truth is that the qualities of leadership will manifest themselves in others several different ways and at various times. We can take a look at history and quickly discover that the qualities of leadership in one person will be quite different than in another.
To some, John F. Kennedy was a passionate, strong, effective and bold leader who was able to make the most difficult decisions and inspire others. Someone else may prefer to emulate a leader the likes of Mother Theresa, who gave of herself selflessly so that others may survive and flourish. Yet another may decide to look within their household; a parent, a sibling, or a child.
And so amidst the definitions of leadership, and those that personify these definitions, I submit that all of them have something in common. And so this will serve as my personal definition on the topic:
Leadership: n. a person or thing that demonstrates the courage to do
something differently.
I would challenge anyone to argue this point. Whether those we think of as leaders lead a million people or one does not matter. What does matter is that they have discovered a way to inspire those they lead. I don’t think the importance of being able to inspire another can be overstated. As Dale Carnegie states in his book How to Win Friends and Influence People:
“There is only one way under heaven to get anybody to do anything…and that is by making the other person want to do it.” (p. 18)
I believe that there are 4 things we must be able to do if we are going to be effective leaders. They are:
Be courageous enough to shift paradigms and see things differently I refer back to my personal definition of leadership. That a person must be able to change focus, recognize that there is another way, and then move in that direction. Colin Powell once said that effective leadership means that others are willing to follow you if only out of curiosity. What better way to instill curiosity than to promote the flow of creative thinking and action?
Help those we lead find meaning in what we are asking them to do
Let’s face it, we have all been told to do things we may not have wanted to do. It’s a fact of life. So how do we help people find meaning in what must be done? We invest in them. We show concern, we communicate, and we talk with them and not at them. I’ll share one sure-fire way to find out what’s important to people (it’s complex, so you might want to write this down) - we ask them.
Create involvement of the process for those we are leading
Related to step #2 - Once we know what it is people want (what has meaning) we can begin to get them involved in the process. How? We provide opportunity for professional growth, which in turn demonstrates to them that we trust that they will do what needs to be done. I remember someone saying during a lecture once that it’s impossible to motivate people because they are already motivated, and it’s our job to find out what that motivation is and help them redirect it into completing the task at hand.
Reward and recognize achievement
This should be self-explanatory and obvious. Too often I have heard people say that if you reward and recognize too much then it loses its meaning. WRONG! How many of us come home from a long day at work thinking, “my boss praised me way too much today.” I’ll tell you - no one thinks that. And no one else will think that if steps 1-3 are done in advance. Instead it will continue to reaffirm in others that you think they are doing a good job, and that you think enough of them to include them in the process of decision-making. Understand that by this I do not suggest that they will be making the decisions, but those you are trying to lead will inevitably “buy-in” to your decisions if they know that their opinions on the matter have been heard.
So what is it that makes someone a leader? Ultimately I believe that an effective leader will constantly be in the process of creating leaders. How? By having the courage to shift focus and try things differently, creating meaning and involvement, and rewarding and recognizing improvement and a job well done.
As Wuzu said to Fojian, “When you give people tasks, probe them deeply to see if they are sincere… Leaders are naturally honored when their words are taken seriously; the community is naturally impressed when people are chosen for their sincerity.” (Zen Lessons, The Art of Leadership p. 18)
Note: This article is adapted from a similar article written by the author that appeared in the September 99 Talking Stick.
Saturday, May 7, 2011
Conflict Management
Conflict is something that every person has to deal with at some point in his or her own life. It may be with a friend, a family member, a co-worker, or a group member. What’s important is how you choose to handle a conflict. I just wrapped up a communications course for school, and came across a very useful chart that assesses how a person may view conflict: positive or negative. What are your personal attitudes toward conflict?
Here’s a test to help you find out.
1. State your personal definition of conflict, and indicate how you feel when involved in a conflict.
2. Use the scale below to assess the extent to which you consider conflict in a small group. For each rating, circle the number the best reflects how you feel.
a. Total you circled numbers
b. Score of 10-14: You believe that conflict is definitely positive
c. Score of 15-20: You believe that conflict can be helpful
d. Score of 21-30: You do not like to think about conflict
e. Score of 31-40: You believe that conflict is something to try and avoid
f. Score of 41-50: You believe that conflict is definitely negative
Conflict: Positive or Negative?
Good 1 2 3 4 5 Bad
Rewarding 1 2 3 4 5 Threatening
Normal 1 2 3 4 5 Abnormal
Constructive 1 2 3 4 5 Destructive
Necessary 1 2 3 4 5 Unnecessary
Challenging 1 2 3 4 5 Overwhelming
Desirable 1 2 3 4 5 Undesirable
Inevitable 1 2 3 4 5 Avoidable
Healthy 1 2 3 4 5 Unhealthy
Clean 1 2 3 4 5 Dirty
How did you do? And more importantly, what steps are you going to take to improve your score and help others improve their score? I found this to be useful and I am glad to know where I stand in how I view conflict.
References:
Gamble, T.K., & Gamble, M. (2008). Communication works. Boston: Mc Graw Hill.
Here’s a test to help you find out.
1. State your personal definition of conflict, and indicate how you feel when involved in a conflict.
2. Use the scale below to assess the extent to which you consider conflict in a small group. For each rating, circle the number the best reflects how you feel.
a. Total you circled numbers
b. Score of 10-14: You believe that conflict is definitely positive
c. Score of 15-20: You believe that conflict can be helpful
d. Score of 21-30: You do not like to think about conflict
e. Score of 31-40: You believe that conflict is something to try and avoid
f. Score of 41-50: You believe that conflict is definitely negative
Conflict: Positive or Negative?
Good 1 2 3 4 5 Bad
Rewarding 1 2 3 4 5 Threatening
Normal 1 2 3 4 5 Abnormal
Constructive 1 2 3 4 5 Destructive
Necessary 1 2 3 4 5 Unnecessary
Challenging 1 2 3 4 5 Overwhelming
Desirable 1 2 3 4 5 Undesirable
Inevitable 1 2 3 4 5 Avoidable
Healthy 1 2 3 4 5 Unhealthy
Clean 1 2 3 4 5 Dirty
How did you do? And more importantly, what steps are you going to take to improve your score and help others improve their score? I found this to be useful and I am glad to know where I stand in how I view conflict.
References:
Gamble, T.K., & Gamble, M. (2008). Communication works. Boston: Mc Graw Hill.
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