Lately, I've become rather irritated with how people communicate via technology--mainly texting and Facebook. It appears as though many people are struggling to communicate without the barrier of a cell phone or computer to "protect" them when resolving a conflict in particular.
Do not get me wrong, I am perfectly fine with having conversations with someone about plans for the night, to see how a friend's day is going, wishing someone good luck on an exam, or simply just catching up through text messaging or through Facebook. However, I am not okay with someone trying to solve an issue or conflict with someone or arguing through either of these means of communication. Personally, I think technology is great and it is something that I use every single day. It is up to each individual person to use it appropriately.
Ask yourself this: How do you resolve conflict? If text messaging, Facebook, or posting a status targeted at someone came to mind, in my opinion you are handling your conflicts both poorly and negatively.
Technology is destroying the way we communicate in a negative way. When we are faced with a problem, we need to be mature about it. Pick up the phone and call that person. Or schedule a time to meet for lunch to talk about it. Do not resort to a cowardly way out by hiding behind the face of technology. By doing this, it feels okay to say mean things and we say things we would not normally face-to-face.
My whole point with this blog post was to get you thinking about how you handle conflict in your own life. Become the bigger person, do not give in to someone who may try to use technology as a means of communicating to resolve conflict. Force him or her to sit down face-to-face or pick up the phone and call that person.
The conflict will not become as messy, it will be resolved sooner, and things that we wish we could take back will not be said.
Monday, February 28, 2011
Thursday, February 24, 2011
Monday, February 7, 2011
Remembering Names
I have quite a large list of goals I hope to accomplish during my life. Some are large goals, like my desire to backpack through Europe after I graduate college for 6+ weeks, or my hope to rescue as many animals as possible, or to attend a Super Bowl. However, I have some small goals that I try to accomplish daily. Most are simple things like holding the door for people, drinking enough water, and living honestly. One of my daily goals is not so simple, but perhaps the most important to me.
Whenever I meet someone new, I make it my personal goal to remember his or her name. I do this for a number of reasons. First, I like it when people I just meet do it for me. Second, I think it is really important to use a person's name in daily conversation. Third, it impresses people that you are able to do this. Fourth, it's important and makes a person feel special.
This task comes relatively easy for me mainly because I have a ridiculously good memory. It also comes easy to me because it is a personal goal of mine. I am always sure to pay extra attention to a person when they introduce themselves. When is the last time you have met someone that has not had to ask twice what your name was?
Since I realize that this is not an easy task for everyone, I have come up with a list of tips that I do to help me remember a person's name so that I do not find myself needing to ask the dreaded question: "What's your name again?"
1. As soon as I learn a person's name, I try to immediately use it in conversation. "It is nice to meet you Jackie..." or "Jackie, where are you from?"
2. End the conversation using the person's name. "Have a great day, Brian." or "Hope to see you again soon, Brian."
3. For some reason, if I know where a person is from, I can associate that place with them. They are no longer just Jessica, they are Jessica from Minneapolis. Find some way that you can associate a person with something whether it is where they are from, what they do, or what his or her hobbies are.
4. Ask someone how they spell their name. Maybe it is Katie, only they spell it Catey. Or even Emily, spelt Emilie. Being able to visualize their name exactly how it is spelt will help you remember their name even more quickly because it is different than what you are used to.
5. Use mnemonic devices or alliteration to remember a name of someone you meet. For example, Charlie from Chicago, Jammin' Jake, John...like my best friend, etc.
6. If a person's name is one you have not heard before, ask them the meaning behind it. I once met a girl named Seranda and she told me how her sister had picked her name out for her when she was born. I still remember it to this day.
7. If a person has a name that is hard to pronounce, take the extra effort to actually learn how to say it (and perhaps use rule #4 and ask them how it is spelt).
8. Say the person's name to yourself three times right when they introduce themselves.
9. If a person calls you about something that you have not personally met (maybe you are looking at an apartment, selling your car, or inquiring about a job), write their name down as soon as they say it and use it at the end of the phone conversation (just like rule #2, only easier).
10. Most importantly, do what I do. Make it a goal for yourself to actually remember the names of those you meet. You will stand out to everyone you meet because you have remembered their name.
I feel this is such an important skill to have because according to Dale Carnegie, who developed famous courses on self-improvement and self-confidence, "a person's name is to that person the sweetest and most important sound in any language." I fully believe that this is one skill you will not regret making the effort to have. Think about it for a second, when you have to tell a person your name again, how do you feel? I personally feel unimportant and receive the vibe that the person does not even care about me. When a person remembers your name, I bet you feel just the opposite: important and that they actually care.
Make the commitment today to remember the names of those you meet. Make them feel important and that you were genuinely listening and that you genuinely care.
Whenever I meet someone new, I make it my personal goal to remember his or her name. I do this for a number of reasons. First, I like it when people I just meet do it for me. Second, I think it is really important to use a person's name in daily conversation. Third, it impresses people that you are able to do this. Fourth, it's important and makes a person feel special.
This task comes relatively easy for me mainly because I have a ridiculously good memory. It also comes easy to me because it is a personal goal of mine. I am always sure to pay extra attention to a person when they introduce themselves. When is the last time you have met someone that has not had to ask twice what your name was?
Since I realize that this is not an easy task for everyone, I have come up with a list of tips that I do to help me remember a person's name so that I do not find myself needing to ask the dreaded question: "What's your name again?"
1. As soon as I learn a person's name, I try to immediately use it in conversation. "It is nice to meet you Jackie..." or "Jackie, where are you from?"
2. End the conversation using the person's name. "Have a great day, Brian." or "Hope to see you again soon, Brian."
3. For some reason, if I know where a person is from, I can associate that place with them. They are no longer just Jessica, they are Jessica from Minneapolis. Find some way that you can associate a person with something whether it is where they are from, what they do, or what his or her hobbies are.
4. Ask someone how they spell their name. Maybe it is Katie, only they spell it Catey. Or even Emily, spelt Emilie. Being able to visualize their name exactly how it is spelt will help you remember their name even more quickly because it is different than what you are used to.
5. Use mnemonic devices or alliteration to remember a name of someone you meet. For example, Charlie from Chicago, Jammin' Jake, John...like my best friend, etc.
6. If a person's name is one you have not heard before, ask them the meaning behind it. I once met a girl named Seranda and she told me how her sister had picked her name out for her when she was born. I still remember it to this day.
7. If a person has a name that is hard to pronounce, take the extra effort to actually learn how to say it (and perhaps use rule #4 and ask them how it is spelt).
8. Say the person's name to yourself three times right when they introduce themselves.
9. If a person calls you about something that you have not personally met (maybe you are looking at an apartment, selling your car, or inquiring about a job), write their name down as soon as they say it and use it at the end of the phone conversation (just like rule #2, only easier).
10. Most importantly, do what I do. Make it a goal for yourself to actually remember the names of those you meet. You will stand out to everyone you meet because you have remembered their name.
I feel this is such an important skill to have because according to Dale Carnegie, who developed famous courses on self-improvement and self-confidence, "a person's name is to that person the sweetest and most important sound in any language." I fully believe that this is one skill you will not regret making the effort to have. Think about it for a second, when you have to tell a person your name again, how do you feel? I personally feel unimportant and receive the vibe that the person does not even care about me. When a person remembers your name, I bet you feel just the opposite: important and that they actually care.
Make the commitment today to remember the names of those you meet. Make them feel important and that you were genuinely listening and that you genuinely care.
Friday, February 4, 2011
The Johari Window
Today I learned about an eye-opening model used in the psychology and communication world. This tool, created by Joseph Luft and Harry Ingham in 1995 will help you better understand interpersonal communications and relationships. It contains four panes and it helps explain the roles of self-awareness and self disclosure in relationships. I found it to be incredibly useful that I knew I needed to share it with others.
Open: Known to self
The part of the self containing information that is known to both the self and others. This size and content depends on your relationship to the "others."
Examples include: Name, age, occupation, etc.
Blind: Not known to self
The part of the self known to others, but not known to oneself; being oblivious about your own faults and virtues. The "stuff" that drives others "crazy" about you.
Examples include: Interrupting, not taking your shoes off open entering a friends' home, not staying in contact, etc.
Hidden: Known to self
The part of the self that contains information about the self known to oneself, but that is hidden from others.
Food for thought: What would it take to reveal some of this information to others? How much self-disclosure would it take to have a commonality with someone? How long do you need to know someone to reveal this information?
Examples include: A secret that you are selective in who you tell.
Unknown: Not known to self
The part of the self that that is unknown to oneself and others.
Food for thought: What do you think determines more development in this area?
Examples include: A moment where you realize something you cannot believe you did not realize before.
If you want to know more about The Johari Window, search about it on the web. I have only included the knowledge that I understand and grasp about this concept. There is more to this tool than what I learned about in class.
Open: Known to self
The part of the self containing information that is known to both the self and others. This size and content depends on your relationship to the "others."
Examples include: Name, age, occupation, etc.
Blind: Not known to self
The part of the self known to others, but not known to oneself; being oblivious about your own faults and virtues. The "stuff" that drives others "crazy" about you.
Examples include: Interrupting, not taking your shoes off open entering a friends' home, not staying in contact, etc.
Hidden: Known to self
The part of the self that contains information about the self known to oneself, but that is hidden from others.
Food for thought: What would it take to reveal some of this information to others? How much self-disclosure would it take to have a commonality with someone? How long do you need to know someone to reveal this information?
Examples include: A secret that you are selective in who you tell.
Unknown: Not known to self
The part of the self that that is unknown to oneself and others.
Food for thought: What do you think determines more development in this area?
Examples include: A moment where you realize something you cannot believe you did not realize before.
If you want to know more about The Johari Window, search about it on the web. I have only included the knowledge that I understand and grasp about this concept. There is more to this tool than what I learned about in class.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)