Talking Negatively About Others

Okay, admit it, you are guilty of talking about people behind their back. Honestly, who isn't? I would be a hypocrite to say that I never partake in such an activity, and I think we would all be lying to ourselves if we said we never spoke one negative thing about another person when they were not around.

Growing up, I tried to live by not saying anything about a person unless I was willing to say it to their face. Essentially, it makes perfect sense because if something negative that I may have said got back to the person I said it about, I can just stand my ground about what I said before if this person confronts me. However, I have found this to be an incredibly hard thing to live by because I am a person who likes to get things off my chest. And realistically, do I really need to tell a person that they upset me or annoyed me about something every time? Plus I think you all know the end result of this scenario. We lose a friend, we lose respect of that person, and more than likely, we probably lose respect from the person we said it to.

I think that gossip is one of the most hurtful things in the world which is why I feel so compelled to blog about this topic. The simple solution could be to just never talk about a person in a negative way. People are not going to go along with this. Maybe for you it can be as simple as what I mentioned above and not saying anything that you would not say to a person's face. Realistically, this is not that easy for everyone. If you still feel the need to talk about others in a negative way, consider these two things before you do it again.

First, if you really feel the need to talk bad about other people, why not do it only with the people that you know it will not extend any further? Have those one or two friends that you can talk to where you know that they will not tell another person. I think it is important to have people in your life you can have confidence in. This is a healthier option for everyone involved. You can get things off your chest and no one gets hurt in the process. Is this perfect? No, but it is better than running your mouth around anyone and everyone. Do not be a person that feels better by putting other people down. I will be honest, I think this is one of the most pathetic qualities anyone can have. Do not be a person that consistently talks negative about others. It is just not a positive way to live your life.

My second way of dealing with this is a little different. Do you ever take the time to think about why you do not like another person? Okay, do you have that reason in mind? Now, have you ever taken the time to try and understand why a person might act the way they do? Maybe someone always feels the need to control a situation and it absolutely drives you crazy whenever you have to work with that person. There is a possibility that this person may have had a life experience that you do not know about which is why they act controlling. It could be something so traumatic that as a result, they control things to mentally put themselves at ease. This may seem irrational, but how do you know that this is not the case? You never truly know what a person may have been through in life. Experiences shape us into the person we are, but some experiences are not worth sharing to just anyone.

My whole point with all of this is that we need to think twice before talking about others. It is hurtful to the victim if the things said get back to them through another source. It all comes down to what we are told when we are children: if you do not have anything nice to say, do not say it all. Our lives could be so much better if we live by this because I feel it holds a lot of value in today's world.

The Traveler's Gift

I recently completed yet another really good book. The Traveler's Gift, by Andy Andrews, is a very inspiration read. For the past two weeks, I have debated whether or not to write any sort of review for this book on my blog because it is that good and I did not want to risk giving any of it away by what I may choose to write. But I need to share this book because it is hands down, one of the best books I have ever read.

I read this book in three sittings; I simply could not put it down. This book is a page-turner and as I grew closer to the end of it, I found myself slowing down as I was reading it because I did not want it to end. This book uncovers seven decisions that determine personal success.

This book takes you on a journey with David, the main character, and immediately teaches you wisdom from past generations that you will feel compelled to put into action in your life immediately. The Traveler's Gift taught me many valuable lessons about embracing life and not becoming discouraged during times of struggle. What makes this book so great is how the author tells the story and provides the wisdom about personal success from past generations, which I will not give away...all I will say is that you need to read this book, it is phenomenal.

If you are not yet interested, here are a few of my most favorite quotes from the book, from nearly a two page list that I wrote down!

"I have deep within me the inability to do nothing."

"Passion is a product of the heart. Passion is what helps you when you have a great dream."

"Until a person takes responsibility for where he is, there is no basis for moving on. The bad news is that past was in your hands, but the good news is that the future, my friend, is also in your hands."

"We are all in situations of our own choosing. Our thinking creates a pathway to success or failure. By disclaiming responsibility for our present, we crush the prospect of an incredible future that might have been ours."

"You can change the future by changing your actions today. It is really a very simple process."

"We are always and forever influenced by those with whom we associate."

One Compliment A Day

One compliment a day. It may seem like a simple task, but what if that one compliment a day that you give...was given to yourself? Do you think you could still do it?

Last semester during finals week, I was having a heart to heart with a new friend, Kelsey, I made in one of my classes. We talked for quite a bit about a number of things. There was one thing that really stood out from our conversation. She told me I needed to "give yourself one compliment a day because you deserve it!" The way she said it to me was inspiring to me and she made me promise to do so.

One compliment a day? My first reaction in my head was, "Why?" But once I thought about it a little more, it made a lot of sense. Being able to compliment ourselves is a challenging task. It is often uncomfortable, we do not want to to seem arrogant by doing this, and we often face ourselves with the thought: "I do not deserve to be told that."

Well, let me be the first to correct you with that thought. You do deserve it! Everyone deserves to feel good about themselves. Everyone deserves to hear good things about themselves, even if it is coming from them. Everyone deserves to really feel self-confident. Self-confidence is beautiful. I can honestly tell you that if you do start to give yourself one compliment a day, you will begin to feel more self-confident in yourself. Make it a part of your daily routine in the morning. Look at yourself in the mirror and give yourself a compliment because you deserve it.

I came across a book one day while shopping at Barnes & Noble, Power Thoughts 365 Daily Affirmations by Louise Hay. I mention this book for two reasons. First, because if you do not want to give yourself a compliment, you could do a daily affirmation instead. Second, it is very uplifting to read what is in this book. Here are a few of my favorites below just so you can get an idea of all the good affirmations that this book is filled with.

#1: I choose to feel good about myself every day. Every morning I remind myself that I can make the choice to feel good. This is a new habit for me to cultivate.

#17: I have many dreams, and I know that I deserve to have these dreams come true.

# 65: I open my consciousness to all the wonderful possibilities of life.

#122: I constantly find new ways of looking at my world. I see beauty everywhere.

#177: I express my creativity openly and freely.

#210: I am now willing to see my own beauty and magnificence.

#257: My heart forgives and releases. Inner peace is my goal.

#273: I am independent, and do what I want to do. I try out new ideas. I am a leader today.

#316: I take the things I think are "wrong" about me and turn them into positive affirmations.

One compliment a day or one affirmation a day? The choice is yours. The results of how it makes you feel are endless. I challenge you to do this. And I also encourage you to pick up this book. Do this simple task of one compliment a day. You will not regret it.

How Full Is Your Bucket?

Today I finished reading the book, How Full Is Your Bucket? by Tom Rath and Donald Clifton. The authors of this book took an interesting take in the psychology world of what is right with people rather than what is wrong with them.

It was a great book and a person can easily sit down and read it in just a few hours. I highly recommend it. Plus, it is filled with useful resources and tests that you can use and do. It challenges you to be a better person as well as encourage others, even in the smallest and most subtle ways.

Here's the theory of a what our buckets are in a nutshell:

1. Each of us has an invisible bucket. It can be emptied or filled at all times.

2. We all have an invisible dipper. We can fill others buckets by saying or doing things that may increase their positive emotions. We fill our own bucket while doing this when we positively impact others. Or we can empty the buckets of others when we say or do negative things and ultimately empty our own bucket simultaneously.

3. Our daily choices affect whether or not we fill or empty our own bucket or the buckets of others. It is up to us to do actions that positively impact ourselves, others, and our relationships with those we care about, work with, or come in contact with.

The theory is simple and the book is filled with personal stories that clearly illustrate just how important it is that our bucket is full.

Studies have shown that negative emotions affect our health, and ultimately shorten our life span. The truth is: negativity kills.

We can reverse our negative thoughts and turn them into positive ones. Positive thoughts and emotions are essential for our survival and well being. If you choose not to read the book, at least choose to apply the theory in your own life. Every single interaction you do affects others. Will you make it positive or negative? How full is your bucket?

Personality Traits I Admire

I have always been a fan of friendship quotes. They always seem to "hit the nail on the head" whenever I read them. I recently came across one that I really liked, and I wanted to share it.

"Strangers are just friends waiting to happen."

When I first read this quote, all I could think about is how true it was. I often find it interesting to think back to the times before I became as close with my friends who I have now...you know, back when we were just strangers. Then I think to myself, "What exactly was it that they did that caused me to want to be friends with them?" Most of the time, the friendship results because we have similar interests. Other times, the friendship forms because I learn that these people who I know consider my good friends have qualities, or personality traits, that I have always admired in other people.

Selflessness - n. devoted to others' welfare or interest and not one's own.

I am lucky to have a lot of friends who put others before themself. I admire this quality so much because I feel it is a very important thing to not only know how to do, but to actually put it in action.

Tolerance - n. a fair, objective, and permissive attitude towards opinions and practices that differ from one's own

We have all met plenty of people throughout life that to be honest, we cannot stand to be around. For me, the people I cannot stand to be around are usually rude, arrogant, say things that are out of line, or lie consistently. They possess an energy that I just do not like to be around. However, I know I will continue to meet people that have qualities I do not like which is why it is so important to learn skills that help you tolerate them. Just because you may not like a person does not mean you have any right to disrespect them. Learn to tolerate others.

Genuine - adj. possessing the claimed or attribute character or quality; not counterfeit; real

I simply just love when a person is genuine. You know, the type of person that is 100% real in all that they do? They are real in their actions, body language, and the way they speak. There is no shades of grey with this person. I always feel the most comfortable around people who are genuine, which is why all of my friends truly have this quality.

Compassion - n. a feeling of deep sympathy or sorrow for another who is stricken by misfortune, accompanied by a strong desire to alleviate the suffering

We all go through times in life where we struggle. Isn't it amazing how we have friends that help us through the tough times and want nothing but for us to be happy? Compassion is rare because I have discovered that so many people do not seem to care or have poor attitudes about things that do not directly affect them. This one is so important to me because it is my friends who I lean on during tough times. They are the people who I need to help make me feel better and see the positives in a negative situation.

Humbleness - adj. not proud or arrogant

Think about the most successful person you personally know, or at least someone who has been successful. Are the arrogant? Or do they act as though nothing is different when things change in their life? Unfortunately, I think being humble is rare thing we see in today's world. People often times let positions, titles, or opportunities go to their head. It is unfortunate. Do not be the person who lets fame or success go to your head.

Honesty - n. truthfulness, sincerity, frankness

I love when people are honest with me. It can be about anything, but there are two circumastances when I really admire honesty in my friends. First, is when they challenge me. For example, I think about times when I overreact. My friends are the ones who put me in my place and tell me I am acting ridiculous which prevents me from overreacting in the future. Secondly, I cannot stand when people lie to me, especially if I find out. It breaks my trust in that person. The best thing to do in life is to just be honest. Things are much easier that way.