Emily, what are you doing with your life?!

Ever since I graduated in May, my life has drastically changed on many levels. To some people, it may not seem like it’s drastically changed; but to me, nothing feels remotely the same as it did while I was still in school. I have considered these past three months of time a period of “rediscovery” in my life. I am doing lots of things I have not done in years and finally feeling freedom as to how I spend my time. It is quite the liberating feeling for me and one that I don’t think I’ve experienced for quite a few years.

Amongst this period of rediscovery, I am faced with dreaded questions from friends, family, acquaintances, etc. such as:
1. What’s next, Emily? (read on)
2. Now what are you doing? (keep reading)
3. Are you going to continue with school? (yes, at some point)
4. You can’t really make money with a psychology degree alone can you? (yes you can, but I may not earn an acceptable income from your perspective)
5. What are you doing with your life? (continue to read on)

In this perhaps far-too-long-winded blog post, I hope to answer all of these questions. I don’t plan to elaborate on question #4 beyond what’s currently after it.
For those of you who don’t currently know what I’m doing with my time (if I don’t see/chat with you often), here’s what I’ve been up to. I’m waitressing 5 days a week. During my time off, you can find me in my barn spending time with my horses, going horseback riding, sleeping, giving my cousin riding lessons, reading, hanging out with friends, taking tons of pictures, or just simply being outside hiking, biking, taking a walk, or kayaking. I have always been someone who has needed a lot of sleep, so that takes up quite a bit of my time. And let me tell you—it is wonderful. But I realize if you are reading this, you do not care about my sleep schedule. However, I would be lying if I did not tell you it consumed a lot my time.

Waitressing is making me feel like I am losing my mind. I started waitressing when I moved back to La Crosse over 3 years ago, but I have not had to do it consistently 5 days a week for a very long period of time due to some of my life endeavors. Well, now I find myself spending way too much time doing it. I do not want to “hate” on my job because I know it will provide me with the financial necessity that is essential to pursuing my dreams. But seriously, I feel like I am losing my mind. Memory peaks in our early 20’s and it is all downhill after 25. That is a fact, I did not just make that up. As a customer told me the other day, I have “Young Timers” which is soon to be followed by “Old Timers” and finally “Alzheimer’s.” Not an encouraging thought, but I cannot seem to remember anything anymore. I feel so disorganized in my personal life and work life. When I go into the waitress station I find myself thinking twice as to why I came in there in the first place. Was I getting food for a table? Was a grabbing a check? Did someone need a salad? Am I supposed to be putting in an order? Was I grabbing a refill? Did someone need a side of ranch? You get the idea. Clearly I do not desire to feel like I am losing my mind so I spend a lot of time trying to figure out what my next move is in life. This feeling of helplessness has created a motivation within me I have never felt before.

The past three months I have realized that I need to stop trying to figure out what I am doing with my life, so if you are reading this, please spare me the agony and stop asking me. I flipping hate this question. Flipping is a “more polite” word substitute, for your information. I think it is nice that people ask me, but I would rather be asked a question beyond small talk. I have always despised small talk (because I am in introvert), and that question falls under that category. Sorry, got off on a rampage there for a moment. Now I am trying to shift my focus in terms of what I am doing next versus what I plan to do for a career.

So, what are you doing next, Emily?

Ah, yes, thank you. This is a question I like and this is a question I will eagerly answer for you. I have decided that since I do not know what I want to do with my life, I am going to take some time to travel and work in different places before really putting my heart and soul into pursuing a master’s degree. I changed my major 5 times as an undergraduate. That’s right, 5 different times. Right now there are 6 programs that spark my interest to continue my education. I am not in any way ready to commit to one of those 6 interests. And, last time I checked, you do not change your mind with a master’s degree. You are in it for the long haul.

Facebook is simultaneously a blessing and a curse. It is a blessing because it keeps you connected to people. It is a curse because it makes you feel like you are behind in life. It seems like not a week goes by where a friend does not get engaged, is accepted into school to further his or her education, a couple announces a pregnancy or gets married. The thing is everyone has a different way of living their life and what order they want to do things. I personally want to postpone becoming an adult as long as possible. Oh wait, I have been an adult for 6 years. Well, maybe I just want to postpone things such as school and a career because I think I am finally just getting a grip on how to have fun and live my life. Working 5 days a week for 40 hours in a career I might not like my entire life does not sound appealing to me. So for now, I am choosing to defer that aspect of my life.

My first venture will hopefully begin next summer. I have wanted to work on a dude ranch out West since I have been in high school. I have seen many friends go and do this because I sparked their interest in it. But I am yet to do it! Since I am not ready to settle down professionally, I am going to take advantage of the things I have wanted to do, but have not gotten a chance to. After that I plan to do some working abroad opportunities. I know of a fantastic program that places people in Australia for 6 months and I know of another job in Scotland that makes my heart leap. I am not sure what order everything will happen in. I have no idea if I will change my mind about any of these things. But for those of you who have been wondering, I hope this blog answered your questions and made you laugh a little bit. For those of you who have asked me about my future, well…I cannot thank you enough. Although that question of “what I’m doing with my life” is a pain in my rear end, it also fuels my fire to be able to answer it.

After I am done with these experiences I will think about focusing more on settling down and continuing my education. Right now, those things are not on my radar. Seeing the world, experiencing life, and living out my passions are my main focus.

Florida Road Trip

"The world is a book, and those who do not travel only read one page."

3900 miles traveled.

10 days.

7 different states.

1 amazing friend.

Laura and I in an outdoor fountain in Nashville

These are just numbers that helped me form an incredible adventure and vacation. Those ten days flew by and the nearly 4000 miles felt like nothing. Each state brought on new adventures, new people, new sights, and new experiences. I feel lucky that I was able to do this with one of my best friends, Laura.

Hanging out with Luke Bryan

We left around 7:30 on Tuesday morning with a goal of visiting Nashville and spending the night in Chattanooga, Tennessee. We arrived in Nashville to grab a bite to eat at the Wild Horse Saloon. While wandering around the city and exploring, we had fun in an outdoor fountain, enjoyed the water front, and checked out the Hard Rock Café (I have an addiction). On our way back to the car to move along to Chattanooga for the evening, I noticed a giant tour bus and a crowd of people. It doesn’t take this country girl much to notice people with shirts on that say “Luke Bryan Tour." After asking around, we realized Luke Bryan was doing a shoot for the CMT awards. Long story short, I got to stand next to Luke Bryan while he did a shoot for the CMT awards he could not attend the following week. I also got to high five him numerous times as they did “practice” shoots. I have never been that close to anyone famous that I have actually really liked. It was an amazing experience.

Ruby Falls in Chattanooga, TN

We arrived in Chattanooga which is about 2 hours past Nashville.  It was late, but we found a place to stay without a problem.  We got up to do a tour or Ruby Falls Cave.  It was so amazing and absolutely beautiful.  I recommend visiting this cave if you're ever in the area.  Afterwards, we got on the road, but were unsure where our next stop would be. It was mostly a day of driving and we stopped to do some planning when we realized we didn’t have to get all the way to Sanibel Island for Laura’s brother’s wedding festivities until the next day. We camped at a campground for the evening called High Springs State Park in High Springs, Florida. They had some natural springs that you could swim in, and they were so beautiful...crystal, clear, blue water.  We camped and cooked hot dogs over a fire and drank that evening. In the morning, I snorkeled before we left. It was such a fun and relaxing thing to wake up and do.

Big Blue Spring

During my snorkel

We drove the remaining 4 hours to Sanibel Island, Florida. That day we ran some wedding-related errands, had a cook out with everyone in town for the wedding. I was so amazed by the hospitality of Laura’s family. They included me in on everything and made me feel like I was a member of the family. The three days that we were to spend in Sanibel Island were three days that I expected to do my own thing, but I ended up making lots of new friends amongst the crew that was there. And in the mean time I got to spend a lot of time in the ocean, sun tanning, reading, celebrating, and eating the most amazing food. I felt so spoiled and welcomed. I also got extremely sun burnt in the pool. Which was not-so-awesome.

The scene before the wedding

Gorgeous reception area

Laura and I during the reception

Captiva Island (part of Sanibel Island)

We left Sanibel Island on Sunday afternoon for our next destination: the Florida Keys. On our way, we drove through Everglades National Park. I had put this National Park towards the top of my "must see" travel list because it is disappearing due to rising sea levels. It was neat to spend hours driving through it. It was mostly marsh land, and it was gorgeous in its own way.

Everglades National Park

We made it to Key West in the evening and went out to explore and catch some sunset pictures. Key West has a very vibrant night life. We watched some men clean fish that they had caught and I asked tons of questions because I was curious about all the fish that they had caught—they were huge! We had dinner at a Waffle House. I had never ate at one before and really wanted to try it.   We had tried to find a place to eat sushi, but had no luck which is why we settled on something so simple.  We spent the following morning exploring Fort Taylor in the rain and visiting the Southernmost Point in the USA. Laura snorkeled, but honestly, the rain made me cranky. It was still neat to add a piece of history to our trip and I enjoyed the day. But I would have enjoyed it more without the rain. We headed to Bahia Honda Key to camp for the evening. Before we arrived, we stopped at Boondocks, a restaurant my Aunt Lynn had recommended. It was an outdoor restaurant, and the alcoholic smoothie I enjoyed was incredible. Bahia Honda was one of the highlights of the trip for me. It was one of the most gorgeous beaches I've seen in a while. While exploring, we saw a spotted eagle ray from a bridge that was no longer used due to hurricane damage. We had a camp site right along the ocean, which sounds amazing, in theory. However, we almost got blown away in the middle of the night due to a wicked thunderstorm that rolled through. Laura told me she thought I was going to bail on her and run to the car for safety. I happen to be slightly terrified of thunderstorms. Our tent did get ripped our of the ground from the wind, but after twenty minutes of securing it with my body weight in one corner, and Laura in the other, we were able to survive just fine. And I didn't bail on her!

Southernmost Point in the USA

Overlooking Bahia Honda

Our campsite at Bahia Honda (see the ocean in the background?)

Probably my favorite candid from the trip

Spotted Eagle Ray

A beach in Key West

After some fun in the ocean the next morning, we headed north to Orlando. One of Laura’s friends moved to Florida and she wanted to visit her. I am mildly obsessed with Harry Potter. And when I say mildly, I really mean extremely. I had to visit the Wizarding World of Harry Potter in Universal Studios. We made it to Orlando around 7 that evening. Laura spent most of the night catching up with her friend who so graciously housed us for the evening. I don’t want to talk too much about Harry Potter World, but I will say it was a very neat experience. The way J.K. Rowling writes is incredible—she makes everything come alive. Drinking “butterbeer” in “The Three Broomsticks” will be a highlight of my life forever. They are adding onto Harry Potter World next Spring so I know I’ll have to return. We did not spend as much time as I would have liked there because we wanted to make a dent in our travels home. We left around 3, and began our journey back home. We stopped at Madison High Springs State Park to check out a gorgeous natural blue spring Laura found online. It was even more neat than the first one we saw earlier in the trip.  I’m really amazed at the beauty that Florida has to offer, I had no idea how gorgeous of a state it was. We ended our journey back home somewhat early that night due to torrential down pours in Georgia. We ended up getting a hotel room, which was unfortunate because we had found an awesome place to camp. The bright side to the situation was that we were able to see ourselves on TV during the CMT awards.

Butterbeer in The Three Broomsticks

Love this pic in Harry Potter World

Madison High Springs State Park

From Byron, Georgia, we headed north. On the way home, we stopped at the following state parks to view some gorgeous waterfalls.  As you can see, we had a very scenic day.  Amicoloa Falls involved climbing down and back up over 600 steps.  It was well worth it!

High Falls State Park in Georgia

Amicoloa Falls State Park, Dawsonville, Georgia

Big Falls in Burgess Falls State Park, Baxter, Tennessee

Cummins State Park in Cummins, TN

We stayed in Mammoth Cave, Kentucky on Thursday evening and concluded our trip with one last tour of the most amazing cave I’ve ever seen in the morning. It has over 300 documented miles, and counting! I had a phenomenal time on this trip and I couldn’t have picked a better person to spend it with.

Mammoth Cave National Park (from the Entrance Tour)

The original opening of Mammoth Cave

Top 10 Moments of 2012

Over the past few days, I have been compiling a list of significant things that have happened to me in the past year.  I mostly wanted to take some time to revisit and reflect on this past year because 2012 has by far been the best year of my life.  I cannot even imagine what God has in store for me in 2013, but 2012 is going to be tough to beat.  Here's the ten best things that happened to me in 2012.  Some are moments, some are events, and some are accomplishments.  I am in awe of how much I have learned about myself over the past 365 days.  I am thankful that I have a supporting family, encouraging friends, incredible family pets, a job to support my hobbies, and God's unconditional love.  I am one lucky lady.  This list in in no particular order, and it was challenging to pick my top ten moments because I had many more significant events happen throughout this past year.

1. Adding a wonderful colt to my herd.  Dex has been a blast since he arrived at my house nearly 3 months ago.  I am very excited about my bright future with this intelligent colt.

My new horse, Dex, during his first snow fall

2. Living in Wellington, New Zealand for 5 months.  My study abroad experience was fun, challenging, exciting, hard, eventful, emotional, and life changing.  This vibrant city has completely opened my heart to happiness, acceptance, love, and peacefulness.

Wellington, New Zealand: my home away from home

3. Taking a solo trip to Cairns, Queensland, Australia.  This trip changed my life.  It boosted my confidence for traveling alone and internationally.  I'm excited to continue to see the world.  I'd prefer not to experience God's beauty alone, but I am confident in doing it this way if I have to.

After my SCUBA dive on the Great Barrier Reef

4. Baxter and Felix are two adorable kittens that were added to my family at the end of the September.  They never stop entertaining me and give me so many reasons to smile each day.

Baxter & Felix

5. Attending my first Green Bay Packers game.  On December 23rd, my family watched the Packers defeat the Tennessee Titans 55-7.  It was an experience I'll never forget and I cannot even describe the adrenaline rush that overcame me as I made my way to my seats at Lambeau Field surrounded by thousands of fans and freezing cold weather.

Me, my dad, my mom, and little brother, Jake at the Packer game

6. Traveling the Yasawa Islands in Fiji.  This 10-day adventure was wonderful and the perfect transition to departing New Zealand and heading home after 5 months away.  The sandy beaches, crystal clear blue water, impeccable hospitality, and warm sunshine frequently cross my mind.  I faced fears and learned that pure relaxation is completely attainable in life.

Fijian beach at the Manta Ray Resort

 7. Traveling all around New Zealand and Sydney, Australia with my mom for two weeks.

My mom and I hiking Franz Josef Glacier in New Zealand

8. Once in a lifetime experiences: blackwater rafting in Waitomo Caves, SCUBA diving and snorkeling the Great Barrier Reef, swimming with manta rays in Fiji, eating at the top of Sky Tower in Auckland, experiencing a hot water beach, and taking a helicopter to hike Franz Josef Glacier.

Swimming with manta rays in Fiji

9. Being reunited with my family, dog, and horses after 5 month away.

Sage & Vogue

10. Making the Dean's List after an 18 credit semester of upper level classes.

2012, thank you for being the best year of my life.

Moments That Stood Out (from my time abroad)

When I think back to my time abroad, these are the most immediate things that come to mind as moments that stood out. This list is in no particupar order.

Moments that have stood out:

1. Riding the world’s steepest train

2. Seeing Mt. Cook’s mirror reflection on Matheson Lake

3. Enjoying a hot water beach

4. Watching the sunrise behind Mt. Ngauruhoe

5. Realizing I’m used to walking on the left side of the street and looking right first before crossing the street

6. Seeing Wellington from Mt Vic

7. Driving a car on the left side of the road

8. Having dinner on top of Sky Tower in Auckland

9. Taking a helicopter to climb a glacier all morning

10. Dipping me feet in the water in Abel Tasman National Park

11. Seeing Milford Sound up close and personal

12. How it felt to see my friends in Queenstown

13. Going white water rafting

14. SCUBA diving the Great Barrier Reef

15. The moment Wellington felt like home

16. Seeing the outline of New Zealand as I flew into Wellington at midnight

17. Making the most incredible friends

18. Enjoying the nature and beauty everywhere

19. SCUBA diving the Great Barrier Reef

20. Traveling alone internationally

21. Trying gelato for the first time

22. Taking advantage of the Farmer's Market every Sunday

23. Black water rafting in Waitomo Caves

24. Feeling complete safe in a city of 400K

25. Seeing the Wellington waterfront for the first time at night

Adjusting to Home

It’s hard to believe that I’ve already been home for 6 full weeks.  I could have wrote this blog post about 2 or 3 weeks ago, but I just haven’t gotten around to it.  I’ve been too busy doing everything in my power to stay away from my computer.  It was my lifeline while I was in New Zealand so my main goal when I got home was to simply be away from it.  I think I’ve done pretty well in that department in life.

Before I talk about what it’s been like to be home, I want to talk about my journey back to the USA.  I left Fiji on July 14^th at 10 pm.  Well, the flight was delayed about 40 minutes.  I had already been in the airport since 3 pm so I was ready to take off.  I literally flew back into time and arrived in LA at about 1:30 pm on July 14^th.  Customs was easy; I had heard that the US customs officers can be a bit intimidating, but I did not have to undergo any of that.  In fact, my longest part of the process was waiting for my luggage.  I was one of the first people to check in for the flight of nearly 400 people so my luggage was some of the last to hit the luggage carousel.  My cousin, Kayla, lives outside of LA so she came to pick me up from the airport.  I was so relieved to be out of the airport!  She took me to her place, let me shower, then we went and grabbed beers and Mexican food on the Santa Monica Pier.  Being on the right side of the road was somewhat terrifying (for the first week I was home), and every time my cousin or anyone I was riding with during the first week I was home turned I instantly thought they were going down the wrong side of the road.  Even though I have been traveling quite extensively in the last 5 months, I still get travel anxiety so I wanted to be back to the airport by 8 to give me plenty of time to go through security for my 11 pm flight to Chicago.  I realize now that this was silly, but I can’t change it.  While driving through the vibrant city of Santa Monica, I was in awe of how big everything was: the streets were wider, there were tons of bigger SUVs and trucks, the men were muscular and tall (welcome home, Emily!), and the warm sunshine felt just like it had in Fiji.  I loved Santa Monica and definitely want to bump it up on my list of places to visit sooner rather than later so I can explore it more.

Santa Monica

My flight out of LA was delayed.  I figured I would sleep on my flight to Chicago, but I was just too excited about being reunited with the people I love.  Then I saw a thunderstorm in the distance so I watched that as we approached it, went around it, and watched it disappear in the vicinity behind me.  It was pretty cool, I must admit.  By that point we only had an hour and a half left before landing in Chicago so I just decided to stay awake since I was not feeling too tired.  Since my flight out of LA was delayed, I was extremely worried that I’d miss my flight to Madison.  After 8 hours in a Fijian airport, a 10.5 hour flight to LA, a 10 hour layover in LA, and a 4 hour flight to Chicago…let’s just say I was NOT going to miss that flight.  Running through the Chicago airport at 6 am was not something I had envisioned in my trip back home.  I remember getting to my gate after switching terminals and a couple smiled at me and said, “Madison? You made it!” I was so relieved and happy to be able to catch my breath.  I looked up at the screen and two minutes later, my flight read “DELAYED.”  So I sat for another 30 minutes before we actually boarded.

Kayla and I in Santa Monica

I remember the feelings and emotions I was feeling so vividly as I flew in LA and knew I would shortly be back on American soil.  The feeling was multiplied by approximately 1000 when I flew into Madison.  Seeing the capitol and Lake Mendota were wonderful welcoming sights.  It is weird to think that it had been 5 months earlier that I left such a wonderful state for a foreign country.  It was about 10 minutes after leaving the plane that all of my suitcases showed up.  I was relieved they had made it too!  It was an eerie feeling being back in the same spot where all of my traveling begun 5 months earlier.  It felt like a dream.

 Can I be honest? Being home has been both incredible and awful.  You see, when you’re traveling, everyone is so interested in what you’re doing and I was more than happy to keep people back home updated on my life while I began my journey of seeing the world.  Let’s just say that since I have been home, things have been different.  When you’re traveling, everyone “likes” your photos, misses you a lot, responds to Twitter posts with “#jealous”, and reads your blogs.  When you’re home…not all of those things happen as regularly as they had.

 Since I’ve arrived home, things just changed.  And now that I’ve been home for a while, I’ve realized that things probably never will go back to the way they were.  It saddens me that I still haven’t seen some of my friends since being back home and it’s made me re-evaluate a lot of friendships.  Sometimes I want to say to people, “Just because you followed my journey through social networking sites doesn’t mean you know the whole story, and damnit, I want to tell you about it.”  But people don’t want to hear the whole story.  Talking about New Zealand almost feels like a “sin” because some people have reacted in some pretty strange ways.  And it really surprises me.  I’m surprised people don’t want to hear about it.  I’m surprised people get annoyed when I talk about it.  I’m surprised by how awkward conversations with people feel.  I’m surprised that people do not seem to care that I’m home or about a journey that completely changed me and my life.

I guess it sounds boastful to say that I expected people to be excited to see me…but I felt that way because I was excited to see people.  After 6 weeks of being home and still not seeing some particular people, well, I have given up.  And that’s what I mean when I say that things just aren’t the same and never will be.  It would be nice to say that I have gotten better at not holding grudges since being gone.  Well, I have, actually.  That is why I am choosing to just accept that it is the way things are going to be and that I will need to re-establish my life here, just like I had to when I moved to New Zealand.  But it doesn't mean it doesn't leave a whole in my heart.  I really am not trying to sound bitter or negative, but I’d be lying if I said things have just been “rainbows and butterflies” since I have been home.

I have learned how truly fortunate I am to have had such a life changing experience.  I am thankful for my ability to save my money, I am thankful for parents who taught me exceptional money management skills, I am thankful for having the courage to leave a life I loved behind in order to have an experience of a lifetime, I am thankful for my encouraging and supporting friends, and I am thankful for even having such an opportunity to pursue at a young age.

It is good to be home, and I am still adjusting.  Reverse culture shock is a real thing, let me tell you!  But I am thankful to be able to experience it.

 

Oh, and for those of you who are wondering...there are not words to describe what it was like to reunited with my dog, Charlo, and two horses, Vogue and Sage.  The warmth my heart felt in those moments is something I'll never forget. Ever.