Adjusting to Home

It’s hard to believe that I’ve already been home for 6 full weeks.  I could have wrote this blog post about 2 or 3 weeks ago, but I just haven’t gotten around to it.  I’ve been too busy doing everything in my power to stay away from my computer.  It was my lifeline while I was in New Zealand so my main goal when I got home was to simply be away from it.  I think I’ve done pretty well in that department in life.

Before I talk about what it’s been like to be home, I want to talk about my journey back to the USA.  I left Fiji on July 14^th at 10 pm.  Well, the flight was delayed about 40 minutes.  I had already been in the airport since 3 pm so I was ready to take off.  I literally flew back into time and arrived in LA at about 1:30 pm on July 14^th.  Customs was easy; I had heard that the US customs officers can be a bit intimidating, but I did not have to undergo any of that.  In fact, my longest part of the process was waiting for my luggage.  I was one of the first people to check in for the flight of nearly 400 people so my luggage was some of the last to hit the luggage carousel.  My cousin, Kayla, lives outside of LA so she came to pick me up from the airport.  I was so relieved to be out of the airport!  She took me to her place, let me shower, then we went and grabbed beers and Mexican food on the Santa Monica Pier.  Being on the right side of the road was somewhat terrifying (for the first week I was home), and every time my cousin or anyone I was riding with during the first week I was home turned I instantly thought they were going down the wrong side of the road.  Even though I have been traveling quite extensively in the last 5 months, I still get travel anxiety so I wanted to be back to the airport by 8 to give me plenty of time to go through security for my 11 pm flight to Chicago.  I realize now that this was silly, but I can’t change it.  While driving through the vibrant city of Santa Monica, I was in awe of how big everything was: the streets were wider, there were tons of bigger SUVs and trucks, the men were muscular and tall (welcome home, Emily!), and the warm sunshine felt just like it had in Fiji.  I loved Santa Monica and definitely want to bump it up on my list of places to visit sooner rather than later so I can explore it more.

Santa Monica

My flight out of LA was delayed.  I figured I would sleep on my flight to Chicago, but I was just too excited about being reunited with the people I love.  Then I saw a thunderstorm in the distance so I watched that as we approached it, went around it, and watched it disappear in the vicinity behind me.  It was pretty cool, I must admit.  By that point we only had an hour and a half left before landing in Chicago so I just decided to stay awake since I was not feeling too tired.  Since my flight out of LA was delayed, I was extremely worried that I’d miss my flight to Madison.  After 8 hours in a Fijian airport, a 10.5 hour flight to LA, a 10 hour layover in LA, and a 4 hour flight to Chicago…let’s just say I was NOT going to miss that flight.  Running through the Chicago airport at 6 am was not something I had envisioned in my trip back home.  I remember getting to my gate after switching terminals and a couple smiled at me and said, “Madison? You made it!” I was so relieved and happy to be able to catch my breath.  I looked up at the screen and two minutes later, my flight read “DELAYED.”  So I sat for another 30 minutes before we actually boarded.

Kayla and I in Santa Monica

I remember the feelings and emotions I was feeling so vividly as I flew in LA and knew I would shortly be back on American soil.  The feeling was multiplied by approximately 1000 when I flew into Madison.  Seeing the capitol and Lake Mendota were wonderful welcoming sights.  It is weird to think that it had been 5 months earlier that I left such a wonderful state for a foreign country.  It was about 10 minutes after leaving the plane that all of my suitcases showed up.  I was relieved they had made it too!  It was an eerie feeling being back in the same spot where all of my traveling begun 5 months earlier.  It felt like a dream.

 Can I be honest? Being home has been both incredible and awful.  You see, when you’re traveling, everyone is so interested in what you’re doing and I was more than happy to keep people back home updated on my life while I began my journey of seeing the world.  Let’s just say that since I have been home, things have been different.  When you’re traveling, everyone “likes” your photos, misses you a lot, responds to Twitter posts with “#jealous”, and reads your blogs.  When you’re home…not all of those things happen as regularly as they had.

 Since I’ve arrived home, things just changed.  And now that I’ve been home for a while, I’ve realized that things probably never will go back to the way they were.  It saddens me that I still haven’t seen some of my friends since being back home and it’s made me re-evaluate a lot of friendships.  Sometimes I want to say to people, “Just because you followed my journey through social networking sites doesn’t mean you know the whole story, and damnit, I want to tell you about it.”  But people don’t want to hear the whole story.  Talking about New Zealand almost feels like a “sin” because some people have reacted in some pretty strange ways.  And it really surprises me.  I’m surprised people don’t want to hear about it.  I’m surprised people get annoyed when I talk about it.  I’m surprised by how awkward conversations with people feel.  I’m surprised that people do not seem to care that I’m home or about a journey that completely changed me and my life.

I guess it sounds boastful to say that I expected people to be excited to see me…but I felt that way because I was excited to see people.  After 6 weeks of being home and still not seeing some particular people, well, I have given up.  And that’s what I mean when I say that things just aren’t the same and never will be.  It would be nice to say that I have gotten better at not holding grudges since being gone.  Well, I have, actually.  That is why I am choosing to just accept that it is the way things are going to be and that I will need to re-establish my life here, just like I had to when I moved to New Zealand.  But it doesn't mean it doesn't leave a whole in my heart.  I really am not trying to sound bitter or negative, but I’d be lying if I said things have just been “rainbows and butterflies” since I have been home.

I have learned how truly fortunate I am to have had such a life changing experience.  I am thankful for my ability to save my money, I am thankful for parents who taught me exceptional money management skills, I am thankful for having the courage to leave a life I loved behind in order to have an experience of a lifetime, I am thankful for my encouraging and supporting friends, and I am thankful for even having such an opportunity to pursue at a young age.

It is good to be home, and I am still adjusting.  Reverse culture shock is a real thing, let me tell you!  But I am thankful to be able to experience it.

 

Oh, and for those of you who are wondering...there are not words to describe what it was like to reunited with my dog, Charlo, and two horses, Vogue and Sage.  The warmth my heart felt in those moments is something I'll never forget. Ever.