Life Lately

I'm happy.

Ya know what's crazy about that sentence?  It took me years to be able to say it and genuinely mean it.  But, seriously, I am though.  I love the life I've created post-college.  Is it what I thought I'd be doing?  No, it's definitely not.  However, I am confident that I am exactly where I need to be.  I've learned the happiness is wanting what you have.  And I want what I have.

I'm sad.

Losing my horse this July has been the most horrible thing I've ever experienced.  And I just feel like no one understands and no one cares.  I get tired of putting on a happy face for people, and tired of telling people "I'm fine" when really I just want cry and be upset.  I wish people did a better job at acknowledging hardships for people.  I hate feeling like I'm not supposed to talk about it because I don't want to make other people feel uncomfortable.  Can everyone just stop for a second and think about how backward that is?  Ok, thanks.  It is.  Why are people so uncomfortable with sadness, silence, and not knowing what to say?  The worst thing a person can do is not say anything.

I'm agitated.

I suffer greatly from wanderlust.  I am constantly looking at places to visit, wondering when my next adventure will be, and question if I'm not traveling enough.  I don't ever want to look back at this period of my life and be angry that I didn't take more advantage of the fact that I did not have much tying me down.  And I want to have stories to tell people when I'm older.  Don't ask me why I even think about stuff like that, but my mind goes one million miles an hour and these are the thoughts that cross my mind.  I look at my daily life and although I literally just said "I know I am exactly where I need to be," I can't help but think I'm holding myself back.  I feel very agitated by these thoughts.

I'm content.

As previously mentioned, I want the life I have right now.  Yes, there are days that I don't like what I'm doing or I wish I could just take a day off to enjoy the weather or do something spontaneous.  Adulthood involves a lot of responsibility, and most days I want to quit.  As my mom said, "Emily, once you are an adult, it's not something you can quit."  I did not think I'd be 25, graduated, waitressing, and doing nothing with my degree...but I'm content because I'm making enough money to pay the bills and have some fun on the side.  I hope that I figure out what my calling is soon, but until then I'm content most days.

I'm amazed by how time flies.

Seriously, it's like I turn around and it's Friday again.  Another month has passed.  How does time go so fast?  I feel like I have no time to do anything some weeks.  Before I turned 21 my Grandma told me that once I turned 21 my birthday's would come faster and faster.  She wasn't lying.  The older I get the faster I feel life goes.  I wish I had the power to push pause to enjoy certain moments more or the ability to freeze time.  I am a person who is very aware of time; it is something I think of quite often.  I think it is because I'm a goal-setter and always having something new to accomplish. When July rolled around this summer, I couldn't believe that I had been home from New Zealand for a year already.  And now I've already been a college graduate for 6 months.  It just is hard to wrap my head around.  I'm trying not to blink, but some days I feel like life is just passing me by.

I'm thankful.

Despite all of the emotions I am feeling and realities I am facing, I am thankful.  I recently began keeping a gratitude journal and it's helped me keep my life into perspective.  Every day I take the time to reflect and I have realized there is something to always be thankful for.  I have so much more than most 25-year old women.  I have a roof over my head, a comfy bed, food on the table for every meal, clothes to wear for any occasion, two awesome horses, family pets I adore, an awesome boyfriend, a job, and air to breathe.  See, it's hard to not be thankful when I have so much to be thankful for.