How Full Is Your Bucket?

Today I finished reading the book, How Full Is Your Bucket? by Tom Rath and Donald Clifton. The authors of this book took an interesting take in the psychology world of what is right with people rather than what is wrong with them.

It was a great book and a person can easily sit down and read it in just a few hours. I highly recommend it. Plus, it is filled with useful resources and tests that you can use and do. It challenges you to be a better person as well as encourage others, even in the smallest and most subtle ways.

Here's the theory of a what our buckets are in a nutshell:

1. Each of us has an invisible bucket. It can be emptied or filled at all times.

2. We all have an invisible dipper. We can fill others buckets by saying or doing things that may increase their positive emotions. We fill our own bucket while doing this when we positively impact others. Or we can empty the buckets of others when we say or do negative things and ultimately empty our own bucket simultaneously.

3. Our daily choices affect whether or not we fill or empty our own bucket or the buckets of others. It is up to us to do actions that positively impact ourselves, others, and our relationships with those we care about, work with, or come in contact with.

The theory is simple and the book is filled with personal stories that clearly illustrate just how important it is that our bucket is full.

Studies have shown that negative emotions affect our health, and ultimately shorten our life span. The truth is: negativity kills.

We can reverse our negative thoughts and turn them into positive ones. Positive thoughts and emotions are essential for our survival and well being. If you choose not to read the book, at least choose to apply the theory in your own life. Every single interaction you do affects others. Will you make it positive or negative? How full is your bucket?

Personality Traits I Admire

I have always been a fan of friendship quotes. They always seem to "hit the nail on the head" whenever I read them. I recently came across one that I really liked, and I wanted to share it.

"Strangers are just friends waiting to happen."

When I first read this quote, all I could think about is how true it was. I often find it interesting to think back to the times before I became as close with my friends who I have now...you know, back when we were just strangers. Then I think to myself, "What exactly was it that they did that caused me to want to be friends with them?" Most of the time, the friendship results because we have similar interests. Other times, the friendship forms because I learn that these people who I know consider my good friends have qualities, or personality traits, that I have always admired in other people.

Selflessness - n. devoted to others' welfare or interest and not one's own.

I am lucky to have a lot of friends who put others before themself. I admire this quality so much because I feel it is a very important thing to not only know how to do, but to actually put it in action.

Tolerance - n. a fair, objective, and permissive attitude towards opinions and practices that differ from one's own

We have all met plenty of people throughout life that to be honest, we cannot stand to be around. For me, the people I cannot stand to be around are usually rude, arrogant, say things that are out of line, or lie consistently. They possess an energy that I just do not like to be around. However, I know I will continue to meet people that have qualities I do not like which is why it is so important to learn skills that help you tolerate them. Just because you may not like a person does not mean you have any right to disrespect them. Learn to tolerate others.

Genuine - adj. possessing the claimed or attribute character or quality; not counterfeit; real

I simply just love when a person is genuine. You know, the type of person that is 100% real in all that they do? They are real in their actions, body language, and the way they speak. There is no shades of grey with this person. I always feel the most comfortable around people who are genuine, which is why all of my friends truly have this quality.

Compassion - n. a feeling of deep sympathy or sorrow for another who is stricken by misfortune, accompanied by a strong desire to alleviate the suffering

We all go through times in life where we struggle. Isn't it amazing how we have friends that help us through the tough times and want nothing but for us to be happy? Compassion is rare because I have discovered that so many people do not seem to care or have poor attitudes about things that do not directly affect them. This one is so important to me because it is my friends who I lean on during tough times. They are the people who I need to help make me feel better and see the positives in a negative situation.

Humbleness - adj. not proud or arrogant

Think about the most successful person you personally know, or at least someone who has been successful. Are the arrogant? Or do they act as though nothing is different when things change in their life? Unfortunately, I think being humble is rare thing we see in today's world. People often times let positions, titles, or opportunities go to their head. It is unfortunate. Do not be the person who lets fame or success go to your head.

Honesty - n. truthfulness, sincerity, frankness

I love when people are honest with me. It can be about anything, but there are two circumastances when I really admire honesty in my friends. First, is when they challenge me. For example, I think about times when I overreact. My friends are the ones who put me in my place and tell me I am acting ridiculous which prevents me from overreacting in the future. Secondly, I cannot stand when people lie to me, especially if I find out. It breaks my trust in that person. The best thing to do in life is to just be honest. Things are much easier that way.

Punishing Those Who We Need The Most

It has been a while since I have blogged mainly because I have not had a pressing topic on my mind lately. However, while listening to my iPod this past week, a particular song has come on more than once and it sparked a new topic. The song was "What Happens Tomorrow" by Duran Duran, which is a much older band. Part of the lyrics include: There are times we punish those who we need the most No, we can't wait for a savior Only got ourselves to blame for this behavior These words definitely got me thinking about how often it is that we punish those who we need the most. Think about the people in your life who you consider yourself to be the closest to—the ones you confide in, the ones who know everything about you, the ones that support you when times get rough. Now think about the times you are mad. Who are the people that you put up walls to? Who are the people you don't immediately tell what's bothering you? Who are the people that always know when something is wrong without you even saying anything because they know you so well? If you are anything like me, you probably answered the same person or few people for all of these questions. In a way, I see it as we "punish those who we need the most." Sometimes in life when I am struggling with something—whether it was a bad day, I am mad at someone, or I did poorly on an exam, for some odd reason I put up these invisible walls for the people I care about the most to break down. Believe me, I realize that this makes little sense at all. The logic would be for me to immediately confide in those people. But instead, I seem to punish these people by making them pry out of me what is wrong. Maybe it is because I need that reassurance that they really do care. Or maybe I just like to show my stubborn side every now and then. Perhaps there is really an underlying issue that I am covering up. There are a lot of reasons why I react this way or maybe other people react in a similar way. I bring this up because it is something I plan to work on. I have realized that this quality I have is one I want to get rid of. Why should I hide my emotions to those who care about me? The people who mean the most to us are not going to be upset because we wear our emotions on our sleeve—happiness, sadness, passion, excitement, disappointment, or anger. The people who care the most about us in life are not going to care what kind of mood we are. But they are going to do everything they can to fix it because they do not want to see any moment of unhappiness in our life.

Compliments: Good or Bad?

A few days ago, I was having a conversation with one of my friends. We ended up getting on the topics of compliments. I never really realized just how many different sides to compliments there could be. Some people love compliments, some people like to give them, some people hate to get them, and others love to get them. I have always looked at compliments as a positive thing because they make people feel good. And that is a good thing.

My friend mentioned that she never knows how to take a compliment. She says that sometimes she never knows if the person giving her the compliment is being sincere in what they are saying. She also mentioned that compliments from strangers mean more to her than when they come from someone she knows. At first, I did not see her logic in this, but after thinking about it, strangers usually pick up on things about you very quickly and compliment those attributes or qualities. It feels good to hear someone you do not know say something nice about you. I agree that it can be less awkward receiving a compliment from a stranger; however, how do you know if they are being sincere? After all, they are a stranger.

I, on the other hand, love compliments. I love getting compliments and I love giving compliments. They instantly boost my mood. I hope that they do the same for other people, so that is why I love giving them. After having our conversation, I started to wonder if people believed what I was saying when I gave them a compliment. What if people I have been giving compliments to have found them awkward to receive? Or worse, what if they did not believe me?

The biggest thing that I realized from the conversation is that many people do not know how to give sincere and genuine compliments. If we could know that people were being sincere every time they gave us a compliment , I think many people who do not like getting compliments would start to appreciate them more. From now on, do not ever give a compliment you do not mean. Be sincere in the things you say--they mean more. And that is important.

Why Effective People Are Effective

"The most effective people know who they are and why it matters."

The above quote is the one thing that Wisconsin FFA's Half-Time Conference guest speakers, Gena and Andrea, wanted the members to take away from their presentation. Their chosen topic hit home for me immediately and I thought, "I need to write a blog about this."

Why does it matter that we know who we are? Essentially, as you probably already guessed, it matters because you are a more effective person. It also matters because in my experience, people who know who they are have always been genuinely happy. And who does not want to be genuinely happy?

Take a moment and think about the most effective people you know in your life. Why are they effective? When I think about the people in my life who are effective, I consider them to be effective because they know who they are and why it matters. There is nothing better in life than having the confidence to know that you know who you are. When I think back to my late years of middle school and early years of high school, I cannot even come up with an answer to who I was because I did not know why it mattered.

Now I am a 21 year old college student. I know who I am. I know what I want to do with my life. I know who and what is important to me. I know what my values are. I surround myself with people I love and people who have a positive effect on me. I fill my life with things that keep me happy. I have the confidence to step away from something that I think is wrong or don't agree with. I have goals and ambitions. Life has its own battles at this age that you do not have to deal with when you are younger (like bills and grocery shopping), but the one thing that is very different for me is that I know who I am and why it matters. Knowing this allows me to be effective in the things I do.

By knowing all of these things, it allows me to not only be effective, but also to be happy with myself. It allows me to share my happiness with others; it allows me to be happy with my life. Knowing this creates a desire in me to help others know that things like this in life, which seems unattainable to some, are very possible. If you find yourself struggling to answer that question, "Who am I?" take a step back in life and surround yourself with the things that truly mean the most to you. Even if the things that truly mean the most to you are not the popular choice...who cares! Your personal happiness allows you to be an effective person which is something we should all aspire for and be proud of.

I'll leave you with one closing thought by the one and only Dr. Seuss: "Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind."